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Infertility: It's Not Me, It's Him

Updated: Feb 13, 2022

For a couple of years, I had been focusing on my body to heal from the pains of fibroids and to overcome infertility. With all that I was doing, I wasn't winning in the area of getting pregnant. Some days I just gave up, and most months I was disappointed when aunt flow showed up. I wondered what was I doing wrong. I eventually got tested per the request of my mother. All my test results were perfect. If that was the case, why wasn't I pregnant. I bought the basal thermometer, I down loaded the app for tracking ovulation, I purchased the herbs to help me to conceive, I focused on not to being stressed, I read, prayed and I believed...but nothing and I didn't know why.

One day out of the blue my husband got an unexpected call from his brother, who stated he had some bad news. My brother-in-law received his test results as it relates to his sperm count, the news he received from the doctor was that his sperm was not functioning as it should. Basically, his sperm was not swimming. He and his wife had been trying to conceive over a year but was not getting the results. They are running more test to figure out why.

The news that changed things for me (us) is when my husband, Ralph told me that the doctor told his brother that the issue he is having may be hereditary. The doctor then preceded to ask him if there is anyone else in his family having trouble conceiving, well you know the answer at this point is yes, my husband.

Ralph's father was fifty when he was conceived and forty-eight when his brother was born. Their father died of prostate cancer in his early sixties. We have no idea how long he was battling with prostate issues. We are just trying to connect the dots.

I asked my husband how did he feel about the news, his reply was that he was okay because we have the option to adopt. He was unbothered by the news and so was I, I thought. I was washing dishes one evening and the news that his brother shared with us replayed back in my head and I just burst into tears and I moved on. I talked about my feelings with a friend of mine that asked me if I felt better knowing now that I wasn’t the problem and that Ralph was the reason why I couldn't get pregnant. I said to her, NO! How could I feel better about my husband being the reason why we don’t have children? We are one, it's not me, or him, it’s us. It's like asking if I feel better knowing that my husband was suffering with a terminal illness and not me. But the truth is when one is suffering the other is grieving. We grieve together. His pain is my pain. His lost is my lost and vice versa.

When I thought my infertility was due to fibroids alone that kept me from getting pregnant, my husband never once blamed or made me feel less than a woman. I thank God for him. Some men stress their wives about having thier baby, I'm gald to say my husband never stressed me.instead he loved me all through the journey.

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